All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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