Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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