once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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