What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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