he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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