Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
