This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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