Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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