After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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