i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
