I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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