So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
