I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
