Small penises have feelings too.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
