sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
