I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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