I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
vagina is talking i cant
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
