White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
