dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
