When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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