yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
