Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
