Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
