you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
