When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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