Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
