Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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