I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
