how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
