today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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