A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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