I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
