So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
