Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
