so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
