I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
