So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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