Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
