a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
