this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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