I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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