That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
