Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
