the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
