Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
