Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
