thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
