my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
