we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
