I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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