I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
