You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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