So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
