My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
