A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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