I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
