My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
