We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
