I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
